Like my Grandma always said…

“It’s better remain quiet and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” 
OK so she didn’t always say it, she’s had it on her table by her recliner for my entire life. And wow, it is so true. I wish other people had Grandmas with funny little color posters of squawking baby birds by their chairs. It would for sure make my life easier. 

If deployments bring out the crazy in people then terrible accidents sure as hell do. In the past few weeks I have seen the absolute very best in people and the worst and craziest. But I can thankfully say that for the most part I have seen the very best in so many people that they renew my faith enough in mankind that I understand the crazies are fewer and further between than it seems right now.

Still dealing with everything that has happened in my own way. Every single day I am reminded out how lucky I am to have the group of amazing and strong women I call friends in my life. I honestly never thought I would have the bonds and relationships with these women that I now have here. It took over 2 years of being here but I will honestly say I will miss these great women terribly when we move. I’m so thankful to have a few of them going to NC too and a few more still close by. And more that I know I will have to meet again someday because of the way they have made my life better.

So many little thoughts bouncing around, its nice to get a little out at least. I need to be praying more. Praying for help and advice in dealing with the things that bring me so much pointless stress and trouble. 

Still running, still crawling towards homecoming. Trying to focus on taking more time for the things that are important. What will I remember even 5 years from now? So much of the trivial stress I see right now will be long gone from my mind.

When One in a Million Strikes Twice

Another crash, this time 6 Red Lions. Too close to home. So worried for Eric. Praying for strength for him to fight through his feelings. How did this happen again? How many more times will it happen? Why us again? How will this family that is our entire squadron survive it this time?  God help us all to find our ways through this. May we come back stronger than ever and make our lost 6 proud. May the Red Lions come home with their heads held high and proud from this deployment, even if their hearts are heavier.

I don’t wanna be down and
I just wanna feel alive and
get to see your face again

Setting Goals

Well I guess I’m off to a good start here Trying to do better with the whole blogging thing and its been exactly a week since my last blog…well tech 8 days since its after midnight I guess. Darn!

But I do want to try to blog more. Get it all out somewhere and down on the digital paper I suppose. My handwriting is terrible so here’s to my online dear diary…sorta.

Explaining the title- I just signed up for the 53 D Farewell 5k Run! yay! What helps me keep fitness goals that are more short term then looking skinny and toned at homecoming? Not embarrassing myself in front of friends and frienemies

So with that being said, I’ve go 37 days to get my rear in gear, well its already there but this is a little push I suppose, to run my 2nd 5k ever  This is

1) huge for me because my last one was over the last deployment (ironically) and was back in July of 2010. So about a year and a half ago.

2) Its HUGE because its for the helicopters Eric is with, flies in and is deployed with. The CH-53 Delta is the old school version of the newer, more powerful (most would argue better) CH-53 Echo and they’re retiring them as Hawaii is the last place in the good ole USMC to still use them.  Since Eric and none of our guys are here to represent for the Lucky Red Lions (because we all know out of 3 squadrons that we’re #1! )  -by the way, let’s not even get me started on how annoying and pathetic it is that this run is taking place to say goodbye to an aircraft that is still on a combat deployment and pumping out 1 more later this year (not sure how its officially goodbye yet)  -ooops got started!  Anyways back to the beginning of that sentence. Since our guys can’t represent for the squadron I’m hoping that I and a bunch of our other Lucky Spouses will do them proud

Altho I’m pretty against “new year resolutions” I feel this is a good time to bust ass before homecoming so why not embrace a new beginning as our 2012 is going to see many of those. A new chapter of our lives together when Eric returns home from deployment, a new chapter when we say goodbye to the land of Aloha, a new chapter of setting up in NC again (Can’t wait to be “home”!!) and for the first time since Eric and I have been together -a new chapter that will officially involve no deployments. No wondering when the news of a looming deployment will come up, no goodbyes for months and months of training, just time to focus on being a family. To do the boring and mundane everyday tasks together that we so often miss. The small things people who have never been through separations like this will ever fully understand. And I cannot wait! So Aloha 2012! I actually have a pretty good feeling about you

SO my “Personal Goals” will be what we call them

-5k in February

-Running 10-15 miles each week

-Organizing one room in the house for 15 minutes each day

-365 Day Photo Challenge: A photo a day for an entire year

-Reach my goal weight (i’ll never tell)

-Eat more veggies

-Do 1 thing completely for myself each month

-Take time for “me” everyday, even if its 10 minutes to blog and have a cup of tea

JOURNEY WITH ME on my path! Walk beside me, hold my hand if I need it, pat me on the back if I’m down and when I stumble and fall, help me up brush me off and shove me forward!

 

How Much Longer Again?

HOMECOMING!  Nope not yet, although it sure feels like its about that time.

BUT we’re over halfway which is super exciting yay!

I can’t believe my last post was 3 months ago. Looking on here is the only way time seems to really fly. I always go wow! Has it really been that long since my last blog? Maybe I’ll set some sort of schedule to blog weekly in the new year. So many things I’m working on or challenges I’m facing right now.

I am trying to get back on track to losing weight but I’m having a hard time finding the motivation. I’m hoping I can use this blog as a way to motivate myself and organize my thoughts. Altho I’m pretty sure that would require me to understand blogging a little bit more

Waiting on orders still…no news there. Altho there’s rumor we’ll be hearing in the next 10 days or so. Fingers crossed on that. We heard Oct, then mid Nov, then beginning of December and now by Jan 6th we will know when and where we’re moving. Wondering if its going to get pushed back again.

 

So  Current Challenges or Points of Stress:

*Waiting on PCS Orders

*Waiting for the Deployment to be over

*Wanting my little family under the same roof

*Eating healthy/ more veggies and fruits

*Getting Skinny: Running/Pilates/Yoga/Zumba/everything possible to get moving and burn calories

 

Watching from the Sidelines

I hate  knowing everything that goes on with my husband at work and not being able to jump in there and yell or complain or try to make a difference. It frustrates me. To know he’s surrounded by complete morons, to know his direct leaders sit on their asses and don’t make things happen that need to happen and to know that those in higher controls don’t know what’s going on because there are so many layers of stupidty beneath them.

80% of the time I feel like I’m sitting on the sidelines, injured, watching my team lose the game. The other team is bigger and better equipped.  I can’t go in the game to help and I can’t even jeer at the referee for all of his terrible calls.  Its awful.

Yet, I’m supposed to be supportive and understanding and take it all? At least he has the ability to fight back a little. I’m not even allowed that. Just expected to be the dumb little wife who doesn’t know anything about the great big wonderful marine corps. The dumb little wife sitting at home waiting for her marine to come home from his grand adventure with all of his brothers in arms. The men aren’t his brothers in arms, half the time I feel like they’re the enemy. Certainly don’t feel like they’re playing on the same team.  But if I complain or question it to anyone besides my husband then I get labeled “one of those wives” -crazy, bitter, trouble maker.

Food for Thought

What a cruel thing is war:  to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.  ~Robert E. Lee, letter to his wife, 1864

Up All Night

Well I should be asleep…but I’m obviously not. Trying to get everything squared away for the KOSC’s Aloha Coffee tomorrow! I’ve got a table to display my photography. So I’m making my lists and organizing and stressing out over practically useless details. YIKES! Plus I think Eric is about 40mins-1hr of being home from his night flight which always keeps me awake or at least restless anyways. Its like oh hey if I can keep my brain going just a littttle bit longer then I’ll get to hang out with him when he comes home. This would be fantastic if this actually happened but I’m sure he will either be A) So much later than planned I just can’t stay awake any longer or B) He’ll come home around the planned time and my poor little brain and body will shutdown and I’ll pass out basically at the sight of him walking through the door. So sad but it is typically the case. I’m not as young as I used to be. Until this summer his last flight was ’07…stay up all night? Sure why not. We got energy drinks! But man, with a toddler waking you up first thing every morning, sleep is a pretty hot commodity! Even when he was on night crew there were nights I would wait up or sleep on the sofa and wake up when he got home. As I’m thinking about all of this I’m pretty sure I’m crazy.  Yep, definitely crazy!   If I don’t sleep when he’s just out flying around the island how am I going to sleep for 7 months??  Hopefully communication will be good and I’ll have some sense of when he’s out and when he’s at the desk. Ugh….so not ready for this again. Either way, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get a text saying “Safe on deck” immediately after landing while he’s deployed. At least knowing when he’s done for the night I have this sense of ok cool, I can fall asleep if I need to. The things I worry about now never even crossed my mind just a few short years ago. Guess its part of growing up. PS I think I’d like to be 19 again…..ok so 21, hey! I need my wine haha.

Went to Book Club tonight. I think I’m going to really look forward to those little meet ups over the deployment. Telling myself I’m really doing it right this time. Even more involved that before and blah blah blah. Truthfully, I’m ready to have this whole deployment behind us and on the the next chapter!

Next chapter?

No one knows at this point. Well, I’m assuming God has it planned out but I’m pretty sure the rest of us are clueless. Eric’s lat move back to being a crew chief has officially gone thru!! This is fantastic news! Plus the MECEP admin came out so he’s in the process of applying for that! I’m personally hoping that by this time next year we’re a Boilermaker Family or Tarheel Family and he’s on his way to becoming an officer in the Marines. Whoooo knows.

If that doesn’t work out, the fact that his MOS officially changed back to crew chief from mech means we won’t be going to 463 here to help stand up the echo squadron after this deployment! Yep that’s right! The Lowney Family is going to be PCSing out of Hawaii next spring or summer after all! Wooo HOOO! Don’t get me wrong, its beautiful here and I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry like a baby at my re-introduction to winter but I’m so super excited. Anywhere on the mainland is closer and more accessible to family plus it was cool here and its time to move on. I think I’m a rambler….after a few years I’m over it and ready to hit the next place. I was like this in NC even tho I miss it dearly now. When I lived in Wilmington I thought how wonderful it would be to live in Jacksonville. Being in NC from 2005 to 2009 I was ready to set sail for Hawaii and live Aloha! Now my aloha spirit is rather stale (suggesting I ever really had it) and its time to go.I suppose being restless about the area in which you live is a good thing in this lifestyle. As long as you don’t miss each place as if it were you’re favorite (NC for me so far).

If they don’t pick out somewhere for us to go before Eric’s mecep packet gets dropped then they can’t give him orders to move anywhere until after his application has been accepted or denied.  Looking like all I’ll want for Christmas (besides having Eric home which ain’t happening) is knowing where we’re off to next! East coast??? NC or Jersey? West Coast? Purdue? Chapel Hill? I just want to know, geez I’m impatient haha.

Since its a little past midnight and I’m realizing I forgot to eat dinner, I think I’ll jump off of here and have some cereal. Hopefully my handsome crew chief will be home soon

Move like a jellyfish

Oh its Monday….yuck.

I wish the weekend could keep going on and on. We had such a great weekend. Lots of time with some friends who are really starting to be part of our Hawaii Ohana. For the first time here I’m really feeling like we’ve found friends in the same point in life as us. I feel blessed for the amazing people I’m able to surround myself with. As much as I dread this deployment and would quite honestly rather rip my toenails out with rusty pliers than have to go through it, I know I’m going to have a few awesome wives to go through it with and lean on for support. I hope I can be supportive for them and help them get through it too. I’m super happy I’ll have my friend Tricia here during this one too. Its nice to look around and see the people I’m going to be with than to look around and notice all of the ones who have moved on to the next steps in their journeys or missing the ones from NC constantly.

I suppose I got on here to chronicle my awesome weekend but looking at the people I got to be around  I sort of went off on a tangent about them instead. We had such an awesome day yesterday tho. I felt like we got to spend a relaxing Sunday as a family and really be together. Yesterday seemed so special. I’m not sure if its because we’re running out of days like that with Eric until after the deployment or if its because the day was just that relaxing. We took Ada to “catch the fishies” like she had requested over the week. We loaded up the cooler with plenty of water and drinks and headed out to the pier in K-Bay. we didn’t catch a single fish but from Ada’s excitement and amazement watching us cast out it made it all worth while. She seemed to have a lot of fun and Eric and I really enjoyed ourselves too. It was nice to sort of unplugged and just have each other to chat with. No competing with laptops or tv for attention. After that we drove up the windward side towards North Shore for a nice plate lunch. kalua pork, rice, mac salad oh yes yes! lol. Ada wanted “pink ice cream” so Eric got her  strawberry ice cream and you would have thought he’d bought her a pony haha. “WOW! Pink Ice Cream! For Me!?! Thank you Daddy!”  haha It was hilarious. We finished up the evening with dinner at a friends which was fantastic and then headed home to spend a little time together before bed.

I stayed up til almost 1 am (awful idea haha) finishing my book for book club. The book was awesome! I couldn’t put it down last night and all day today I keep wishing there was more to read. Its called Molokai by Alen Brennert and I would recommend it to anyone.

Well hoping to get Ada to bed in a few and enjoy a glass of wine and some time with Eric before bed.

I wish the three of us could spend every Sunday together like yesterday.

drowning

I can’t do it all. Right now I’m not sure if I can do any of it. How am I suppose to have the energy, strength and confidence to take on a deployment when I don’t get enough help when he’s here to recharge and be ready?

…i like where you sleep, here…

Having an amazing time while Eric is on leave. Its just going by way too fast. We had so much fun this weekend with cookouts and birthdays and trips to the pool. It was nice. Today I caught myself thinking -Maybe we put up with all of the separation and craziness for the times like this weekend and the ability to do what we do. Sometimes I really like Hawaii. (Yes, yes, I just said that). I’m sure that will wear off when leave is over haha. Took a break from working on other people’s photos to work on a few of my own and upload some to facebook while Eric works on homework. Thought I’d jump on here for a second and throw words at a page. Still wanting to slow down time for a bit. 1 week left of vacation is going to fly by I know. Trying to not look to far past the day-to-day. Its funny because as soon as I get accustomed to not looking ahead then Eric will leave and all I will do is look ahead by months at a time. Hopefully that will fly by and I’ll find myself taking it day to day again and even making plans ahead of time for the 3 of us. There is no way to describe how badly I wish this were post-deployment leave instead of pre-deployment leave that we’re enjoying right now. Wondering what the coming months really hold for us.

Few pics from this month below

Squadron Dining Out 2011

Bayfest July 2011

Waimea Falls, North Shore